Why? My daughter is going to be a senior and I don’t think I am ready for this...ready for the “last” first day of school, the “last” homecoming dance, the “last” basketball game, the “last” soccer game, blah, blah, blah. See, I used to think that people who hung onto the “last” of things really needed to just deal with it and move on. Hmmm…
As I have grown older (I say that with much pride), I have looked forward to the future, the newness of each day, the next adventure, and the excitement that goes with the anticipation of it all. I enjoy my memories of yesterday, I cherish the right now, and I wait expectantly for tomorrow. But for some reason this thing with Elsa being a senior and almost out of the house has me freaking out a bit.
And I wonder if she is freaking out too or at least in a bit of denial. Just the other day I had to practically promise her ice cream (bribe her like she was 4 again) if she would just sit down for a few minutes and make a list of 5 colleges she might want to attend - you know, next fall! This is the same girl that would not take an “emergency” pouch to school because she was convinced she was never going to get her period. Well girl unless God has miraculously changed a woman’s anatomy then you might want to trust me and take the pouch to school.
For me I believe that part of why I am freaking out is because it is not going to be the 5 of us anymore. Ok, maybe a little too dramatic but the 5 of us is going to look different from here on out and I really like the 5 of us just like it is! We really like to hang out together and I really like to hang out with Elsa and her friends too - they are really interesting and outgoing!
Now whenever I start to freak out about anything, I get prepared. I have friends who already have kids in college and I look to them for advice and they assure me I will be ok. I also have friends that will be going through this with me and that makes me feel better. And then of course I have my list of professional counselors in my back pocket :)
Although I am a little nervous for this new adventure in my family’s life, I am so excited for Elsa and cannot wait to watch her fly. It is going to be a beautiful sight to see.
I haven’t really thought about college or the fact that I will be practically living on my own. Yes, of course when people ask me “what do you want to do when you’re older” I tell them! But when people ask me “where do you want to go to college” or “have you visited anywhere yet” I just stand there. No, I have not thought about where my home will be for the next four years because I like my home now, and no, I have not visited anywhere because I’m so busy and I want to spend as much time with the people I will be leaving in a year as possible! I know this is my senior year and I know I will be leaving soon but it’s hard for me to comprehend that my life is going to change so drastically. Don’t get me wrong, I am extremely excited to start working towards my dream career and future, but doing it without my family there seems incredibly hard. Besides, I don’t know how to pay bills and taxes, I barely know how to do my own laundry! So yes, I am in denial about going to college because living with my mom telling me what to do all the time is hard enough!!